“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~Sue Patton Thoele

Post written by Jeremy J. Ulmer. Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn.

1. Be Present & Stay Focused. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next and focus on what the speaker is telling you. Be curious and ask follow up questions to learn more about what they are telling you.

2. Pause Before You Respond. Take 2 full breaths before responding. It will ensure the speaker is finished and give them space to share more. It will also help you control the amount of talking you are doing.

3. Refocus If Your Mind Wanders. If you start thinking about your next meeting, travel plans, or what you have planned for the evening, bring yourself back to the moment.

4. Summarize & Bottom Line The Key Points. Play back to the speaker the key items you are hearing to ensure you are capturing the essence of what is being relayed to you. Make sure to take notes of these key items so you can revisit them as needed later in the meeting.

5. Focus On Listening & Understanding Versus Judging & Opinion. It is natural to want to share your 2 cents right away, or to be making judgments in your mind about what you are hearing. However, that is not focused listening. Stop yourself from doing this by placing your attention on learning, listening, and understanding. Ask open ended questions that begin with “What” to stay focused on listening and understanding.

6. Use Your Intuition. Whether you are on the phone or in person, you should be listening not only with your ears, but with your intuition as well. Notice the speaker’s breathing, tone, pace, and energy. There is a lot of information to be gathered and the more you pay attention to your intuition, the more effective your listening will be.

7. Never Talk Over Anyone. If the speaker is talking, simply wait your turn. Do not try to interject, and if you do, catch yourself, and say, “Sorry, please carry on…”

8. Ignore Internal & External Distractions. Image you are in a bubble with the person you are speaking to and they are the center of your universe. Try it out and watch what kind of impact it will have.

9. Resist Telling The Speaker How You Handled A Similar Situation. Pause yourself from sharing your own input and experiences until you have fully listened to what the speaker has to say.

10. Relax. The more calm you are, the more information you will gather from the person you are listening to since they will be at ease with you.

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I appear as a guest on the Cultural Fusion Experience Radio Show to discuss busines, sales, and so much more.  Music will play until ’6:10′ when the interview begins. (You can fast forward)

Host: Yvette Dubel-Source artist & co-founder of Cultural Fusion-Art as Philosophy will be exploring issues related to creative expression and social/professional innovation. It invites you to use explorations of creative expression and the application of such to address the issues impacting your lives, as well as anything else that captures Yvette’s interest as an expression of the above plus concepts which have provided inspiration to “Cultural Fusion-Art as Philosophy”.

This broadcast is a part of the artist’s inquiry into Conceptual Process Art in Art as Philosophy. This show will offer an opportunity to learn about how this project is coming to understand Culture beyond ethnic, racial, or national origins. In addition audiences will be introduced to interesting ideas, enterprises and projects that are seeking to play a part in building a better world….more peace, more love, more abundance, more of the best of you.

There was a great question posted on Linkedin yesterday.  “What things do you refrain from saying to avoid sounding “salesy”?”  Below is my answer.  I will use the term “sales person” to describe anyone involved in using sales skills, i.e.-business owner, business leaders, sales reps, sales directors, etc.

I believe if you are your most authentic, natural, and genuine self, nothing “salesy” will come from your mouth.  The challenge is that many people think they need to be different, or act different, or say something different, than their natural self would say, to be a great sales person.

The prospective client picks up when you are not genuine, which, well frankly, doesn’t make the sales person very likeable and has instantly reduced the odds that this sales person will be opening up any new partnerships.

In addition, the sales person will feel uncomfortable in their own shoes while they are selling, because they are not being true to themselves.  I can’t remember where I read this, but an old book said, if you wouldn’t say it to your ‘grandma’ that way, don’t say it to a prospective client like that either.

Most sales training that people learn is originally from decades ago and has just been regurgitated over and over again and re-branded in a new name, or new book title, by a new author or trainer.

Things have changed, and most of the pressuring and convincing/persuading sales skills are a thing of the past.  The reality is, every individual is different, and if they can learn to create a sales style that honors who they are, and their personal values and strengths, well, sales can be enjoyable, fun, and, oh yeah, you’ll have the best results you have ever experienced.

Jeremy J. Ulmer, Sales Coach, Business Coach, Life Coach, Professional Coach, Executive Coach

The question of whether a high level of empathy for a sales professional was an advantage or a disadvantage was asked on linkedin.com.  Below is my public answer to this question.

This is a great and interesting question! It looks like most people so far are saying that empathy is essential for sales people, and I agree!  I will expand on the concept and how to develop it a little further as it may be of help for those who want to enhance it.

Empathy is defined by Wikipedia as: “the capacity to recognize or understand another’s state of mind or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes” or in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself.  Empathy does not necessarily imply compassion, or empathic concern because this capacity can be present in context of compassionate or cruel behavior.”

From this perspective on what empathy means, it is clear that it is critical for a sales person to have or to develop a high level of empathy to have great success.  Some people, as you mention, will naturally be more empathetic than others, yet luckily, this is something that can be developed for those who lack a high degree of empathy.

Daniel Goleman, one of the experts on emotional competencies/emotional intelligence, breaks down emotional intelligence into 4 key areas.  One of those areas is Social awareness — the ability to sense, understand, and react to others’ emotions while comprehending social networks.  I’d say empathy would significant part of this.

So, how does this apply to sales? Simple, put yourself in the client’s shoes. Put yourself into their perspective and view their business, your business, their goals, and the world from their perspective for a moment.  Think about how your approach is coming off now? Should you change it? What really is important to them? Maybe you think something is so important, and you are explaining on and on about it to them, but if you pause, use empathy, get curious, and place yourself into their perspective for a moment, and then brainstorm ideas or ask questions from that place, breakthroughs are possible. 

I find that if you use empathy, and from that place, ask great questions, you can really find out what is most important for your prospective clients or current clients. The great thing about emotional competencies such as empathy is that they can be developed and enhanced. 

For those who want to learn to be more empathetic, the first step is becoming more aware of what it is to be empathetic, and then to consciously choose to translate the awareness into actual actions and changes in behavior.  There is much more to it than this, but I wanted to give a tip for starters that can help people immediately.

Jeremy J. Ulmer, Professional Coach, Sales Coach, Executive Coach, Sales Mentor, Life Coach, Business Coach